Every man wants a friend; he wants to connect. Every man wants to improve, to become better: to grow. Every man wants to do something that makes a difference. He wants to have an impact, to do something that matters: to serve.
During a dinner of rare openness, an unbelieving man from my work told me that he had no friends outside of work, that he wanted to grow and improve and be a better man, and he wanted to make a difference. So even unbelieving men want these things!1 But they are not likely to voluntarily go to a church to get them.
Men—believers and unbelievers—yearn for these things, but they probably won’t walk through the church doors to get them. It’s a strange place … even, unfortunately, a place that seems more designed for women than men.2 There’s something about church that can turn men off. Walking into a church building is often a cultural earthquake.
Go to Where They Are
To reach men, you must go where they are. You must do the things men want to do. You must reach out to men in the environments that they’re in―not where you want them to be.
Connect
So first, to help men connect, arrange activities where they can do the things that men like to do together.
A man in Pastor John Chellah’s church in Ndola, Zambia, bought a pool table, built a gazebo around it in his backyard, served food, and invited men to play. Pool or billiards is popular with Zambian men. But unfortunately, most of the pool tables are in bars, and since over-indulgence is common for men who go into bars, he devised a better way. His neighborhood pool table became a hotspot: one time 135 met in the gazebo to play! New friendships formed and some of the men started attending church.
Multiple churches in Malawi reach men by playing Bawo, a popular board game. Men who have not received Jesus Christ as their Savior or who do not attend church services on a regular basis will come together to play Bawo. Some churches even hold Bawo tournaments in their church buildings!
In Japan, men make friends in the gyms and hot springs. Drinking coffee together is the way men connect in India. In the United States, it’s often sporting events.
What do men in your neighborhoods/communities/countries like to do? Leverage a popular table game, a sport or sports event, or some manly outing to reach men. You don’t need a formal agenda; just have fun!
Once men become comfortable with you, share your faith and invite them to a men’s event or Bible study at your church. When friendship and trust have been established, men are more receptive to hearing about God’s friendship, equipping, and the mission He has for them.
Grow
After men are connected (this may take some time – be patient), offer them opportunities to grow. Men want to improve themselves and get better at living daily life. You can provide practical training, such as carpentry, coding, marketing, welding, photography, mechanics, or farming. You can arrange classes at your church or organize small groups of men in the community to meet to learn various skills. Show them how the Bible applies in their work.
Teach men the tenets of the faith. Teach the Scriptures, read the Bible together, or study a book based on biblical ideas and principles. Offer workshops and studies for men on topics like leadership, finances, dealing with temptation, being a father of valor, working as unto the Lord, leading and influencing the community, loving your wife, or finding your mission. Men want practical teaching – give them down-to-earth, solid material that provides want they want in the context of what they need.
But help the men realize that it’s not just about head knowledge. Help them get some skin in the game – help them realize that they, too, can help others and change lives.
Serve
How to help them do that? Realize that men want to make a difference. They want to have an impact on their families and their communities. They want to do something that matters.
Men build friendships shoulder to shoulder. Working side by side on something that matters is a powerful thing. And, very importantly, unchurched men are more likely to get involved in an environment where they are physically working with other men.
Here’s a simple idea: take your small group or groups of men and assign them to look after widows or single mothers. Once a month, get the men together to do repairs on their homes, assist with financial matters, and help them with whatever they need. Then, a few times a year, bring all these small groups of men together for a workday at a public facility, such as a school, library, fire station, or park. Invite other men to join in. Churches that are visibly serving the community get noticed. Your men can be the tool!
The power to attract and keep men in church
Give men the chance to connect, grow, and serve. That’s how you will attract men to your church; that’s how they’ll stay; and that’s how they will become men of valor in their homes, churches, and communities.
